A friend of mine sent this episode of Natch Beaut to me a couple weeks ago and said it was my homework for the day.
I don’t always take podcast recommendations but figured a single episode would be worth listening to and the topic (self-acceptance) and guest (Jeffrey Marsh) sounded intriguing – so YOLO.
Y’all, it spoke to my soul, which has been in dire need of nourishment lately. It’s been a rough year – really, it has – and Jackie J openly and so rawly discussing her divorce and how shitty it is made me feel all sorts of ways I don’t think I’d acknowledged yet.
From statements like, “I’m listening to a lot of Taylor Swift” to “I burned a hole in my toilet seat performing a spell”, I feel like we might be living the same life. I mean, I read a lot of tarot these days, purchased a box of crystals, and am getting ready to sage my fucking house. Maybe the mid-30s for women is literally our witching hour.
I’ve been open with people about my separation and have friends going through similar situations but still have felt very alone. Divorce is something you’re “not supposed to talk about” because it’s still considered shameful, regardless of whether or not you think it’s the right thing to do and how much better you know it will be in the long-run. You feel like a failure and like you’re going to die alone. Even if you know you “don’t need a man” and are happy with who you are and what you do, it still fucking sucks. People tend to give you loads of pep talks without straight-up just saying what should actually be said: “Hey, so that blows.” And to hear someone else openly cry about that touched me in an indescribable way. I didn’t cry about my divorce until February 2019 (we’ve been separated since May 2018) and now I cry every day.
But what made me cry even harder was when she tells us it’s going to be okay and that we deserve happiness. It’s one thing for your friends to be supportive and tell you you’re going to be okay – and it means a lot (and it’s worth noting that I have amazing friends) – but it’s another thing entirely to hear someone else who’s slogging through the same flaming hell that is divorce tell you it’s all good. And that you’re not a bad person. And that you’re not alone.
And that we deserve happiness.
You don’t have to do anything that doesn’t make you happy. There are consequences to that, of course, but something I’m learning (as a person who hates myself) is that I’m worth my own time. I’m worth starting a skincare routine that takes 30 minutes. I’m worth pursuing friendships and relationships with people who reciprocate and don’t make me feel like shit. I’m worth spending time on, by myself and people I value. Which means I’m also getting rid of people who I don’t feel value me. Which also fucking sucks.
But it’s going to be okay because I deserve long-term happiness.
My point is: if you’re going through a divorce, listen to this episode and then tell everyone you know about it. Jackie is real about the process; you’re gonna do some weird shit like cast a spell out of your toilet and get your navel pierced and those things are going to make for some great stories to laugh about while you’re sobbing into a pint of Halo Top. Ask me how I know.
And then stick around for Jeffrey Marsh, who’s one of my new favorite people and I’m not convinced any of us deserve them in our lives. They say, “Don’t hate yourself into forgiving people,” and if you want to talk about words I needed to hear right then and there, let’s start there.
Finally, cream your fucking neck.
One thought on ““We’re gonna be okay; we deserve happiness””
I went through a divorce myself (August 2018) and i thought I was over it until I had a moment back in January. I know men are normally not supposed to talk about their feelings and just deal with it but I had a breakdown and for the first time since my kids were born I started crying because ola combination of stress/depression/ feeling like I failed as man. For years I busted my ass to provide for my family and thought I did what I could. I only talked to a close friend or two about it because the age difference in my 4 older brothers is pretty big and we were never close so I never really talked to them. I basically kept everything bottled up and it just ate away at me until I broke down.
You are right in regards to you are not alone and you are not a bad person. Things just weren’t meant to be. I’ve ruined a potential relationship (after divorce) because I just wasn’t ready. I finally started working out (great stress relief) and doing things that make me happy and get back to my core self.
At this point (9 months later) I’m happy, I’m myself again, and I’m ready for a relationship with a woman who wants to be appreciated and loved. That’s all I can hope for. If it doesn’t happen then I’m happy by myself because I finally understand what makes me happy.
Everyone deserves happiness. everyone deserves someone that makes them wake up every morning to say I love you (and mean it)